Life As We Know It
by inky1216
Summary: Lily and James are starting their last year at Hogwarts, lovin' life and lovin' each other. Nothing can go wrong, nothing can stop them... or can it? Lots of fluff. Please R&R! ON PERMANENT HIATUS
1. Home Again

An excited Lily Evans looked up at the great castle looming over her with a sense of pride and contentment. It was good to be home. People rushed all around her, trying to get into the Great Hall before the sorting started. Sighing happily, she ascended the steps leading through the huge oak doors opening to the entrance hall, currently bursting with students.

Chatter, laughter, and the general clamor that arises when a larger group of people gather in a place that echoes such as this one was loud in her ears. Even so, the sounds were as familiar to her as her favorite song, the sound of her muggle coffee pot at home, or her best friend's laughter.

"Lily!" She turned to see a grinning Marina Danks, or Rina as everyone called her, running towards her.

"Speak of the devil," she mumbled to herself, grinning.

"Rina!" They embraced. It had only been two months since she'd seen her best friend, but she had changed a lot in the time. She had grown at least an inch (or was that because of Lily's persistent lack of height?), and her skin had darkened quite noticeably. She looked fantastic! "Well, well. France certainly agreed with you!"

"And I certainly agreed with it! You've got to see it, Lily! You'd love it."

"I'm sure I would, but how am I ever going to get my muggle parents into the wizarding part of France?"

"Beg?" Rina answered uncertainly.

"Yeah, like that's going to work. Anyways, tell me about the hotel – and the bell boy!"

"Ugh," she said in mock-exasperation. "I've already told you this once! In the fifty billion letters we sent, remember? Molly was dead on her wings after that last trip to St. Tropez."

"Well, then, I suppose you'll just have to tell me again." Rina laughed and began to tell her best friend of all that had happened again.

Rina, with her silky blue-black hair and violet eyes, was considered one of the prettiest girls in their year. She could mimic anyone's handwriting, which came in very useful when pulling pranks on teachers or lovers. Her personality was outgoing and friendly but bold – she definitely marched to her own beat.

As they made their way inside, they found Matilda Rivers and Laurie Ford chattering away amongst the crowds of students waiting to get into the Great Hall.

Mattie was a plain sort of girl. Simple, straight brown hair hung to her shoulders and was often pulled back in a hair band, making her large, brown doe eyes seem even larger. She was quiet as a mouse and only spoke when necessary. Because of her tendency to blend into her surroundings so much, people often forget her presence and revealed things better left untold. She remembered all of them, but she was no gossip. She was loyal and benevolent.

Laurie was a classic blonde beauty. Her long, blonde hair cascaded to her waist and was beautifully accented by her smiling baby blues. She was of average intelligence, but harbored a secret skill in acting. She could cry and laugh on demand and lie her way into and out of anything and anywhere. She could think up the most believable stories on the spot. More than a few times she had helped her friends escape sticky situations, including detention with the ever-foul Filch.

"And then, when he _finally_ wrote me back, all he could ask was, 'How's school?' I was like, 'It's the middle of bloody July!' So, I told him to-"

"Laurie, dear, when are you ever going to learn to give up on your idiot of a paternal figure?"

"Rina! Oh, hello! And don't say that!" Mattie replied with wide eyes. "Don't worry, dear, he'll come around."

Laurie frowned deeply and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say."

Mattie mumbled a quiet hello to Lily, who returned it with a quick wink.

"You know, Laurie, it doesn't do a thing for you when you pout like that," said Lily.

"Oh, Lily! I didn't see you there! Oops, must've been because you were hiding behind Rina," she said half- sarcastic, half-teasing.

"Shut up, blondie. Just because I'm vertically challenged…." She huffed in mock-anger, but soon smiled. "Anyways, how has your summer been – other than that?" And so began the telling of the tales of summer, as they made their way into the Great Hall for the feast.

Lily was the one person in the group that held everything together. She was the glue. She planned the pranks and made sure everyone did their part in carrying them out. She was never afraid to speak her mind and, though it often did her more harm than good, it didn't stop endless opinions and comments from pouring from her pouting, pink lips.

Apart, they were like random, missing pieces to a puzzle, but together they were unstoppable. No problem was too big or unsolvable. They stayed on the teachers' good sides, and stayed –mostly– out of trouble. They charmed all of the guys in the school. Well, almost. The Marauders were their only competition when it came to pranks, and therefore, they were off limits to them. James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew were the pranksters who always stayed neck and neck with them on Filch's bad list. Not that anyone, save Mrs. Norris, was on his good list.

James was the leader of their group. He attracted all the girls with his messy, wind-blown black hair and hazel blue eyes. He was quidditch team captain, deserved it, and knew it. He ran through girls like wildfire. He was one of the smartest guys in the sixth year, and the most talented at transfiguration. His mother died from a sickness when he was in his second year and his father was killed when he was in his fifth, leaving him filthy rich, but alone. On top of all, this he was arrogant and self centered. This was why Lily and co. hated him the most. He was a player, and he picked on random people, but mostly Slytherins, and Severus Snape in particular.

Sirius was his best friend, and they were as close as brothers. Sirius was, by far, the most attractive of all the marauders. He had long, black hair that fell perfectly into his dark gray eyes. He had a fair complexion and was tall and lean, like James. A total lady's man, he had dated more girls than any other guy at Hogwarts. He played on the quidditch team, as beater.

Remus was the smartest guy in the year. He spent more of his time reading than not. He was quiet and kept to himself. His looks attracted a fair amount of girls, but nothing compared to that of Sirius or James, and it didn't bother him. He had short, shaggy, blonde hair and bright, blue eyes that were often ringed with a tale-telling shadow. His smiles were rare, but this was said to be his greatest feature. He was of average height and did not play quidditch. Never, _ever_ ask him why, though. He can quote verbatim a three foot paper on 536 reasons why quidditch is a stupid sport for dopes. And then make you read it.

Peter was more of a tag-a-long than an actual marauder on most occasions. He was a short, chubby boy who never spoke up for himself and used his closeness with the marauders for protection purposes. Constantly picked on, he turned to eating - all the time. He had a mop of blond hair that seemed to be suspended to the crown of his head and hung straight down in all directions from this point. He had muddy brown eyes that always seemed glassed over, as if he had just woken up. He didn't play quidditch either, but he enjoyed watching it. He was quiet as far as speech goes, but he had an annoying Tigger-ish laugh and was the most gaseous boy you could ever meet.

This was their seventh and final year at Hogwarts, and up until the previous year Lily and James had hated each other's guts. He pranked her and insulted her and hexed her and, at the very least, glared at her whenever in her presence. At the beginning of last year, they had decided to call a truce and not to hate each other anymore. It worked for about a month, but then the fighting started back up. Finally it came down to an old fashioned scream off:

_(Flashback)_

"_Potter, you idiot! How dare you!"_

"_What do you mean, how dare I? You're the one who called me a useless, moronic billy-weed!"_

"_And so you are!"_

"_Ugh!" James turned to stomp off when Lily called him back._

"_Oh, no Potter! Don't you go anywhere! I've got bigger bones to pick with you."_

"_What Evans, what? What more can you have to say to me?"_

"_How come you've always picked on me? Huh? I don't get it. Ever since our first year, I was always your target! Except for Snape, of course! You've used every prank in the book on me and my friends, you lie to me, you're sarcastic, you've hexed me and cursed me, you can't just look at me, you have to glare. I don't get it! Why! Why, Potter, Why!"_

"_You wanna know why, Evans?"_

"_Yeah, actually that was the whole point of that last little rant, if you couldn't tell."_

"_Fine." They paused for a stare off, searching each other's eyes, both expressions softening._

"_Well?" Lily asked. _

"_Well… because I love you. I'm so hopelessly in love with you, Lily I've made a complete arse of myself… and I was kind of hoping, if this isn't a bad time or anything, if you'd go with me to Hogwarts this Saturday." James answered quietly and quickly, stared at his feet, and braced himself for the worst. _

_And it came. "You… you, what? After five years of solid torture, you're gonna tell me you love me! This is an outrage! Unbelievable! Merlin, James, you're pathetic – just some self-worshiping player trying to add another girl to his list. Just leave me alone, okay? I really don't need your sap or your jokes."_

_James looked like she slapped him. "But, Lily… I really meant it… I mean, look at you! You're perfect. That's the only reason I pick on you – I knew it was the only way you'd notice me. "_

"_Whatever, Potter. I'm going to bed." Lily turned on her heel and walked away, confused and suddenly very tired. _

Yeah, it was an interesting fight. Lily looked back on it now and laughed at herself. She had been so naïve. By the end of the year, they had been going strong and steady. Still were. It had been a slow process, but it fell as naturally into place as if someone had planned it that way. Just then, snapping out of her daydream, the Marauders walked in. "James!"

"Lily!" A smile brightened her whole face as he came up and hugged her, giving her a quick kiss. Sirius whistled at the small display of affection.

"Shut it, _Padfoot_. I'm sure you've seen much worse." Lily commanded. She swatted at his head, but he easily dodged it. Instead, she smacked him once on the arm with her other hand.

"Hey, it's Mr. Padfoot to you." Lily scowled and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Give it up, doll. It would've never worked between us, anyway," he said.

"Oh, don't you wish!" Lily exclaimed as she took another shot at his arm, this time with a clean punch.

"Ow! That hurt! What've you been feeding this girl, Prongs?"

By now everyone was laughing at their playful banter – Lily and Sirius always ended up in some fight or another, though neither ever really meant it. "Okay, okay!" James intervened. "There will be no killing of the best friend and/or girlfriend tonight, you hear? I'd like you both alive, at least through the feast, if you don't mind."

Sirius, defeated by default, slung an arm around Rina and said, "Now, what's this I hear about a bell boy?"

Lily shot Sirius one last look, and addressed James as if nothing had happened. "I missed you. Why didn't you write me back?"

"Huh? The last one I got was the one about you going to the beesball thingy with your parents." He meant baseball, but coming from an entirely magical family, he hadn't even heard of it until last year when Lily told him about her dad, a big fan of the classic American sport.

"Baseball, James," she corrected him, and frowned. "And I wrote you after that. Molly must not have made it. She's been getting sicker and sicker. Anyways, come on, let's sit down."

The feast began as usual with the sorting and Dumbledore's start of term speech, announcing the growth of 34 items on Filch's "list". It turned out a new joke shop had opened up in Hogsmeade and all things from it were now taboo in the hallways.

As soon as everyone had eaten more than their fill, as such food was hard to come by, Lily and James, as head boy and girl, lead the first years up to the common room. As dramatically as they could, they spoke in hushed tones with the portraits, gasped when the stair cases moved, and peeked hesitantly around corners. They figured that as dramatic as one's first night at Hogwarts is anyway, why not help it along a bit.

When they reached the common room, the Fat Lady commanded in a deep, stern voice, "Password."

James stepped bravely forward, his hands placed behind his back like a soldier, and answered, "Lemon drop." As the young ones filed slowly into the common room, a few of the brave whispering among themselves, he winked at Lily and whispered, "A Dumbledore original."

After they made sure everyone got to their dorms okay, they went up to the head's dorms. Lily wandered into her room to find a sleeping snowy owl, Molly, her beloved pet, sitting on the dresser. She placed some owl treats in her dish and patted her gently on the head, thinking of the uncompleted journey earlier.

Assuring herself of Molly's well-being, she began to unpack her trunk, placing the items away without a thought. The head girl's bedroom, though much bigger, was set up in a similar way to her old dorm. It lacked the extra four beds, but these were replaced with a desk, and a small sitting area. The company was partly replaced with James, her new neighbor.

Finished, she meandered back down to the common room and climbed into a huge, overstuffed chair to wait for James. She watched the flames dance, and thought for the second time that night about just how good it was to be home again.

When he finally wandered down, clean from a shower, Lily's eyes were closed and her breaths were even and soft. Grinning when he saw her, he walked over quietly and placed a small kiss on her lips. "Hey, you."

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Hey." She scooted over, making room, and he sat down, wrapping his arms around her. She sighed. It felt good to be back in his arms again. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." They sat there like that for a while. He fiddled absentmindedly with a strand of her long, red hair, and eventually, she dosed off for the second time. He looked down at her sleeping face and smiled. Merlin, he loved this girl. "Come on, Lils. You need to go to bed."

She stretch in his arms and slowly crawled out of his safe embrace, however unwillingly. He walked her up to her room and kissed her forehead after she crawled into bed. "Night, babe. Love you."

"Mmm hmm… You too." She responded groggily.

The next morning she woke up, as usual, at 7:30. Her body clock wouldn't let her sleep any later during the week. If she did, you knew she was really sick.

She knew James would still be sleeping, so she tip-toed into his room. Slung all the way across the bed, she could tell he had slept hard. She smiled to herself, eased onto the bed, and sat lightly on top of his stomach. She placed a trail of soft kisses up his neck and along his jaw and finally kissed him on the lips. For a second, he lay semi-unconscious, smiling.

His eyes popped open and he grinned wider.

"Girl, you could kill a guy like that," he said through a yawn.

"Oh really? Well, I wouldn't want that. No more kisses for you." She said resolutely. He huffed in mock annoyance and furrowed his eyebrows as if thinking this over carefully. Suddenly he smiled, reached up, and kissed her on the mouth, pulling her down on top of him. Merlin, she loved this guy.

"It'd be worth it."

She laughed. "For you, maybe. Come on, time to get up."

"Ugh, Lils… do we have to?" he whined.

"You're such a baby! Yes, now get up!" She rolled him off of the bed, and he landed on the hardwood floors with a thump. His head popped up on the side of the bed, and he furrowed his eyebrows in mock anger.

"You're gonna pay for that!" he growled. She squealed and ran out of the room with James hot on her trail. Dashing down the stairs, she ran and hid on the couch. He ran into the room and shouted, "Okay, where are you?" She giggled from her hiding place buried under the overstuffed pillows. "Ah hah!" he shouted as he bounded over and landed on top of her.

He landed with a plop beside her and said, "Let's see. I think you owe me…" she grinned as he pretended to count on his fingers and mumble to himself, "five kisses. And I want them now!"

She rolled her lips in and turned her head to the side so he couldn't kiss her. "Oh, so that's how you're gonna be!" She nodded stubbornly, trying not to smile. "Fine." He began to tickle her, and she laughed out loud. It was her weakness, and he knew it. As he mercilessly attacked her middle, his knee bumped her thigh, and she stopped giggling and let out a small gasp.

He stopped immediately. "What is it, Lily? Did I hurt you?"

"No, no. You didn't do anything. I'm fine." She reached down and pulled her pajama shorts up a bit to reveal a large purple bruise on her left thigh.

"Whoa, Lily! What happened?"

"I must've fell or something. It's nothing. I'll be fine."

"Okay, whatever you say," he said, but the look on his face clearly told her that he would be keeping an eye on it. He climbed off of her, and helped her up off of the couch, still frowning.

She smiled at his concern, stood on her tip-toes, and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "That's one," she whispered in his ear seductively.

"Mmm hmm," he said, slightly smiling. "Well, as long as you're alright…" He moved to kiss her, but she pulled back quickly, a slight smirk on her face.

"Oh no. You said you wanted kisses from me, right? That means I have to give them to you, and I think you're going to have to wait until I'm ready to give them to you. Now, I have to go get ready for class, and you should, too. Don't want to be late on the first day."

He huffed, and began mumbling under his breath, "… teasing minx… five kisses… wait 'til she's ready to give them to me…"

"What was that, dear?" Lily asked sweetly.

He reached up and started to tickle her again, carefully. She squealed, squirmed out of his grasp, and shot up the stairs, as the game began again.

**Author's Note**: Well, what say you? This first chapter is just setting up the story. I know it isn't very long, but the next one should be longer. It's been revised from what I originally posted, because I had a few errors… oops. Yes, I know Lily and James didn't get together until their seventh year, but I had to speed things up a bit to fit with my plan (yes, I have a plan!) for the story. It's my first posted fanfic, so all reviews are appreciated. I'm having some trouble with the British lingo, seeing as I'm an all-American country girl, so I would especially appreciate any help in that department. Ideas are welcome as well. ;)

-inky


	2. Out of Breath

A week had passed. Classes had gotten off to a slow but steady start, and students gradually fell into the groove again. Sure, you encountered some drama here and there, even in the first week, but nothing time-stopping.

Lily and James were fulfilling their head duties, patrolling the school. Curfew was at 10:00, and they had already sent the remaining wanderers to bed. This being only their first week, they had yet to encounter anything worth writing home about. Rather, they spent the time together, talking and catching up slowly.

"Nobody," called James quietly, as he removed his head from the empty classroom. "I think they've all gone to bed already. Besides, who's gonna be out this late on the first week of school?"

"James, it's only 10:30," Lily replied, laughing.

"Oh," he said, disappointment obvious on his face. The look only lasted a second and was quickly replaced by the classic 'light bulb' look.

"What?"

"Let's go check the astronomy tower! There's bound to be at least one couple going at it!" His excitement was more than apparent, and she laughed again.

"James! You're incorrigible! I have to wonder why that makes you so brilliantly happy…. Never mind, I probably don't want to know."

"Come on! You know you want to!" he teased in his most Sirius-like sing-song voice. He flashed his most dashing grin and waited a second to see if it had worked. Nothing. He switched to a puppy-dog face. His hazel eyes nearly doubled in size it seemed, and she could hardly resist.

"You hang around Sirius way too much."

"Please?" There was an unmistakable whimper in his voice.

"Ok, no more puppy-dog faces. You're terrible at it."

"Hey!"

"Now come on, we've gotta go check the astronomy tower."

"Yippee!" came the response. He began to hop and dance around her, slowly herding her forward toward the tower.

She laughed out loud. "Okay, okay. Cool it. Now you're really starting to act like Sirius."

"Well, I do try," he said smugly, straightening an invisible tie.

"Ugh," Lily said, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "Boys," she muttered

"Come on!" He grabbed her hand, and they slowly made their way up to the astronomy tower.

As they walked, Lily thought back over the summer. It had been easy and uneventful. Well, except for a few minor incidences.

"_Liiiiiilllllyyyyy!" _

"_If you've got something to say to me, come _say_ it to me! Don't _yell_ it at me!" came Lily's response from her bedroom upstairs. The door snapped open, and Petunia's unmistakably horse-like face popped through the painfully small crack. _

"_I said, 'You and all your _freakishness_ had better stay up here tonight.' Got it?" It struck Lily how the word freak never sounded quite so foul as when Petunia said it. _

_She put down her pen, dislodged her mind from the lengthy letter she was writing, sighed heavily, and turned around. "And why ever would I want to do that, dearest sister?" The last was dripping with sarcasm, and she smiled sweetly, as only a little sister can – a smile so seemingly innocent, a smile that grandmothers love to kiss, a smile that clearly states, "I can get away with anything, because I'm younger and cuter!" _

"_Not that it's any of your _freaky_ business, but Vernon is coming over. I have a feeling he's going to propose, and I WON'T have you messing this up for me with your _freakishness_!" Petunia's voice grew steadily louder and faster as she spoke. _

_Lily had had enough. She stood slowly, to intimidate her sister. "Listen here, Tuna Face. You say 'freak' one more time, and you will spend the rest of the night puking up slugs. And nobody, not even that whale, would propose to a slug puking horse face. Have I made myself clear?" _

_Petunia paled slightly, withdrew her snout – I mean, face – and snapped the door shut. Lily sighed to herself, sat back down, and attempted to continue her letter. _

"Lils?"

"Huh? What?"

"Where are you off to over there?" James asked, squeezing her hand softly. "You looked like you were going to murder someone."

"Oh. It was nothing. Just thinking about Tuna."

"Oh. What'd she do now?"

"You know she's getting married?"

James laughed out loud. He stopped when he saw her face. "Oh, you were serious. Listen, Lils, I know she's your sister and all that, but who in their right mind would marry that bitch?"

"James-" she warned.

"You know it's true! She's never been anything but a total git to you, and I'm sick of it. You can't let her get away with this stuff anymore, Lily!"

She shook her head and ignored the comment. "His name's Vernon Dursley. And don't worry – he's not out of his mind. He doesn't have one." James laughed. "It's quite funny to see them together, actually. He's huge! No neck at all, and the only thing he talks about are drills. And Petunia, well, you've seen her. She's a walking skeleton."

"See, Lils? I'm not crazy. She's a-"

"James!" she interrupted.

"Sorry."

They finally arrived at the astronomy tower. "Well, ladies first," James said, holding the door for Lily.

She walked in slowly and cautiously, leery of anything that might be waiting for her. James came up beside her, and they walked slowly hand-in-hand around the tower.

"You know what I've been thinking?"

"What's that?" James asked.

"We've gotta do something – about Rina and Sirius."

"What about Remus and Laurie?"

"Oh, they'll find their own way together – I'm not worried about them. But the other two are about as stubborn and pig-headed as it gets. Their prides will never let them get together."

"Ok, so shove them in a broom closet and lock the door. Don't let them out 'til they've agreed to a date."

"James, that's barbaric!" Lily exclaimed. She thought a moment and said, "But it just might work."

"Of course it will," he said. "I thought of it." She gently shoved his arm with her shoulder.

"So, when are we going to execute this ingenious plan of yours?"

"I don't know. You choose."

"It has to be soon. Not tomorrow – we've got classes all day. Can't have them missing classes for… whatever they'll be doing." She cringed. "Never mind, I don't even wanna go there."

"So tomorrow then?"

"Yeah, tomorrow's fine."

They continued walking slowly until they were about half way around, until James stopped abruptly. Lily, looking distractedly at the stars, crashed most ungracefully into him.

"Ow!"

"Shh!" James said, a finger to his lips. "You alright?" he whispered. She nodded her head. "Good, come 'ere."

She stepped forward to see what was so important. When she did, she gasped loudly, causing the couple, bright red with embarrassment, to pull apart.

"Rina! Sirius!" she cried. Behind her, James began snickering. "You knew about this?" she accused, slapping his arm.

James shook his head, now laughing outright. "You should've known it would happen." He attempted, semi-successfully, to compose himself. "Now, what have you to say for yourself, young man? And you, young lady?"

"Come on, Prongs. You know how it is," said Sirius, half smiling.

Rina shot a look at Lily that clearly said, "I'll explain later." But her eyes soon found her shoes and her hand its way into Sirius's.

"Yeah," James answered. "Go find yourself an empty classroom. Second floor's clear."

"James!" Lily said, as they scurried off before anything else could be said.

"Ah, let 'em go. I'm glad of it. Saves us the trouble."

Lily frowned. "Still, shouldn't we at least takes some points? Or maybe a detention?" James looked at her as if she was crazy. "We have to be fair!" The look intensified. She cracked. "Fine, but we're going to have a nice, little chat with them tomorrow. Got it?"

"Whatever you say, babe," James said nonchalantly. He took her hand in his again and began to walk slowly around the tower.

They walked a few minutes in quiet, until James said, "Still would've been really funny to see their faces getting shoved into a broom closet."

Lily laughed out loud, the mental image perfectly clear. "Yeah – priceless. But I don't know, this was pretty good, too."

Lily continued to stare silently at the sky. The full moon was next week, and James knew she worried about him. She knew she couldn't stop him – she'd already tried that. Still, he tried to comfort her.

He rubbed the back of her hand gently with his thumb and said, "Don't worry about it, ok? We'll be fine."

"I know," Lily said, now frowning. She didn't have to ask what he was talking about. "I don't want to talk about it, ok?" It was a touchy subject between them, having been the source of one of the more unpleasant defining moments in their relationship, and neither cared to relive it. Even so, her words still rang in his ears from that night.

He had snuck back into the common room about 6:00am, after making sure Remus was alright. Lucky for him, it had been a Saturday, so no one had been up yet at that ungodly hour. Lily had waited on him, and was sleeping lightly on the couch. She woke up, and it had taken a long time to explain everything. Eventually, he had had to take her to a secret spot and "introduce" her to Prongs.

She had acted ok then, but he could tell it had been eating at her. A month later, he found her in the same position after a particularly long and stressful full moon.

"_Lils, love, what are you doing down here?" he asked, after gently shaking her awake. As soon as she saw who it was, she bolted up and hugged his neck, tears welling in her eyes and streaming silently down her cheeks. _

_She saw Sirius and Peter in chairs near the fire, talking quietly. When he heard her tears, Sirius looked up, startled. He signaled to Peter, and they headed quietly and quickly up to their dormitories._

"_Woah, woah, Lils! What's going on, love? What happened? Are you ok?" he asked, alarmed by her reaction. _

_She nodded hard and sniffed. "Are you ok?" _

"_Yeah," he said, still unsure of what was going on. "Why wouldn't I be?" Her face became angry, and he knew that had been the wrong answer. _

"_Oh, I don't know, James. Why wouldn't you be ok when you've got your life on the line, running around with a bloody-" His hand flew over her mouth, aware of how close the dormitories were and the chance that anyone could come down from them at any moment. Needless to say, he now understood her tears. _

"_Okay, okay," he soothed. He pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back gently. "I see what this is all about." _

"_James, you can't go anymore," she said into his shoulder. She pulled back, and he saw that her tears had slowed and a determined look came over her face. "You can't. I'm a wreck. I just can't take it knowing you're out there…. And I know he can't help it. We all love him, I swear. But he can't control himself, and-"_

"_You're right, he can't control himself," James interrupted. "That's why he needs us. I've explained this to you – he would tear himself to shreds if it weren't for us. I can't leave him out there. And it takes both me and Padfoot to control him. If I were to bail, I would be putting them both at Moony's mercy, and that's a risk I won't take. I can't do that. I won't do that."_

_Her tears gained speed and power. "Why? Why not? For me! I need you to!" She knew it was only a guilt-trip tactic and that it wouldn't work, but she was desperate. _

_He took her flailing hands in his own, kissed them, and said, "I can't, Lils. I'm sorry, but I can't." He placed her hands gently in his lap, kissed her forehead gently, and went to walk upstairs. _

_He was almost to the stairwell when her small voice behind him said, "Every time, James." He turned around. She looked so helpless standing there alone, tears streaming down her face unnoticed and uncontrolled at this point, but her voice was surprisingly steady. "Every night you go out there with them, I will worry. I paced my room until Rina hollered for me to go to sleep or go somewhere else. So, I came down here and sat by the window, to watch and to wait. Every once in a while I heard a howl, or a bark. Sometimes I even saw a flash of silver or a particularly dark shadow shoot across the grounds. And I worried some more and paced some more, knowing you were out there and there was nothing I could do about it. Eventually the house elves came in, and I had to go to bed. So I laid up there wide awake, until I had to come back down and watch some more. I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to you." Her voice broke. "I love you so much, and I just don't think… I just don't think I could… without you." She crumpled to the floor, her hands on her wet face. _

_He stood shocked at her words. He hadn't realized it affected her so much. He walked over to her, and laid a gentle hand on her arm. At the feel of her shaking shoulder, he couldn't take it anymore. He picked her up gently and carried her to the couch. He held her on his lap, gently holding her in his arms until her tears subsided. _

"_I've got to do it, Lils," he said._

"_I know," she whispered. _

Even now, he knew she still cried sometimes. And it hurt him more than she knew. He could always tell, too, when she had spent the night awake and crying, and sometimes he even found her waiting for him on the couch.

"Come on, Lils. It'll be alright. You don't have to worry about me," he assured her. "Sirius has my back, and I have his. And Peter's always ready to go for help should anything really bad happen."

"I know, I know. But I still worry."

"'Worrying is like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere,'" James quoted.

Lily gave a small smile. "Where'd you hear that?"

"My mum used to say that to my dad whenever he went to worrying about things."

"It's funny how you remember little things like that." She looked up at the nearly-full moon, still worrying about the dangers she knew would come. She was as helpless in the matter as a child going to the doctor – not knowing what would come and scared to death that it would hurt.

"I wouldn't ever do anything that would take me away from you, Lily. I love you. And 'when you've seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love.'"

"Well, you're just stock full of those old quotes tonight. How am I to know anything is your own?" Lily asked.

"'People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.'"

Now she laughed out loud. "And since when have you heard of Benjamin Franklin?"

"Don't tell me you didn't know he was a wizard!"

"Of course I did," said Lily, half-certain.

James gasped dramatically. "Oh no! It can't be! Was the all-knowing Lily Evans… wrong!"

"Shut up, James. I knew that. I knew it, and you know I knew it! I was merely seeing if you knew it."

"Come on, Lils, admit it. Admit it just this once! Admit you were wrong."

"I admit to nothing."

"Come on, Lily… you know you want to. Do it! Just do it!" James taunted, dancing about her slightly.

"I won't! I won't do it!" Lily crossed her arms across her chest, closed her eyes, and turned her nose in the air.

"Keep on like that, and a good rain will drown you," James teased. Lily's chin snapped down, and she glared at him.

"I was not wrong," she stated simply.

"Of course you weren't."

"I wasn't!" she said, now frantic.

"I know you weren't."

"James."

"Yes?"

"Don't lie to me."

"I wasn't lying!" James burst, half laughing.

"Yes, you were! You don't believe me!"

"Of course I do, Lils! Why wouldn't I? It's not like you were really wrong or anything, right?" She glared, and he laughed.

Her face softened. "You know I only worry about people I love, right? And I worry about you more than anyone."

"I know, babe, I know," he said softly. He kissed her forehead gently. "Come on, let's go back to the common room. There's no one else out here. It's almost 11:30 anyway. Here, I'll race you!"

Lily's glare slowly turned to a grin, and she said, "Okay." And without another word, she took off down the stairs.

"Hey!" shouted James, as he tore after her.

He quickly over took her, seeing how his quidditch-fit body could endure a much longer sprint that her library-fit one. Her breathing quickly became heavy, and her heart started pounding in her ears.

She tried to keep up, but when they reached the fourth floor, she had to stop.

"James!" she gasped. "We've got to stop."

He skidded to a stop and almost crashed into a suit of armor, which quickly and creakily jumped out of the way. "Sorry, Lils. Why didn't you say something?"

"I tried." Her hand flew to her head, as the hall began to spin.

"Lils? Lils, are you alright?" She began to sway, and James's voice began to fade in and out. "Lils! Can you hear me? Lils!"

She knew his voice must've been getting louder, but it continued to fade. Eventually his face began to fade as well, until both were nothing. The world was black, and she felt her knees give way.

**Author's Note**: Well, that's chapter 2. Thanks so much to Julia Holtemore for beta-ing it! I'm not sure where all of the quotes come from, except the one about obsessive love. You should know where it came from. ;) Thanks to DanCrazed and silvirtaj5 for my first reviews. I went back and edited the first chapter (again!). Nothing too major, but it wouldn't hurt to check for minor changes. This should be a fairly short fic – no more than 5 or 6 chapters. Again, all reviews are appreciated. Next chapter should be up in about a week.

-inky.


	3. Diagnosis

"Now, Poppy, I see no reason why the boy can't stay. He's causing no harm here." Voices floated around Lily as she slowly regained consciousness.

"But, Albus, it's just not-"

"Poppy, dear, leave it be."

"Umm, Professor Dumbledore, can I speak with you a moment?" She started when she heard that particular voice. She smiled softly and opened her eyes.

"James?" she called softly, frowning when she didn't see him. She attempted to sit up, but was quickly pushed back down by the kind, but firm, hands of Madame Pomfrey.

"Now, dear. You must rest! Mr. Potter will be back in a moment. He's just speaking with Professor Dumbledore across the room – just there." She pointed, and Lily followed her finger, seeing a slightly blurry bit of messy black hair. "Now, you relax."

Like that was going to happen. "James!" Lily called, eager to see him and ask what in the world had happened. Once second she was doing rounds with James, and now…. She remembered being dizzy.

She shoved the nurse's hands off and stood, but just as she got her feet under her, she felt her knees give way. Fortunately, James had heard her call and, for what soon she learned was the second time in 24 hours, caught her before she fell.

This time the world spun before her eyes, but she refused to let it disappear again. James supported her, and she gripped his arms until the room slowed to a stop. When she felt herself stop swaying and James face came into a clear view, she attempted a smile.

"Are you alright?" he asked, a concerned look on his face.

"Yeah, just a little dizzy," she answered. He then lifted her easily – almost too easily – back onto the hospital bed. He sat her down gently, but even as he pulled away she kept a grip on his hand.

The now-annoyed young nurse shoved a goblet half-filled with some terrible smelling orange goop into her hands. "Drink it," she ordered. "It will help with the dizziness." It tasted awful, but then again, what potion doesn't?

As soon as she had gotten all of it down, the room quit attempting to spin out of control. "Better?" the nurse asked.

Lily nodded. "Yeah." James had both his hands covering hers, and Lily was thoroughly comforted by this. She asked, "What happened? Why am I here?"

"You fainted," James answered. "Remember?"

"Yeah, I remember that part. It's what's between then and now that I'm kind of fuzzy on."

"I brought you here. Madame Pomfrey gave you some potions and stuck a stick thingy in your mouth. When she pulled it out, it was green. I tried to get her to tell me what it meant, but she kept saying we had to wait for you to wake up and not to disturb you." His annoyance was apparent by the face he made.

James, having obviously forgotten the presence of both Madame Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore, blushed slightly at his outburst and mumbled, "But I suppose they'll be able to tell you about it."

"Indeed," said Madame Pomfrey a bit haughtily. "I recognized the symptoms immediately – the bruises, the fainting. You have a mild form of leukemia, Lily." She said it as gently as she could, but nothing that harsh could be said with much ease.

James' grip tightened considerably on her hand, and she continued, but Lily didn't hear her. Her voice had faded out, but not because she was about to faint. She was in shock. _How is it that a 17-year-old girl can have leukemia? What sort of justice is that? What have I ever done to-_ She snapped back to the real world as a particular word caught her attention.

"Treatment?" _As in getting better?_

"Yes, dear. Now, as I was saying, I believe we've caught it early enough that it will be more than treatable. You'll need to come back Tuesday, and every Thursday after that for a new muggle treatment. We've been experimenting with it, and it's-"

"Can I leave yet?" Lily interrupted. She knew it was rude, but all of a sudden the walls were coming in on her. She had to get out.

"Absolutely not!" came Madame Pomfrey's curt reply.

"Now, Poppy, I don't think it will hurt her a bit, as long as she stays in her room and is well attended to, right Mr. Potter?"

"Albus! I will not have-" began Madame Pomfrey's lengthy objection, but it was quickly overrun by Dumbledore.

"I'm sure she'll be in perfectly capable hands, Poppy. No need for such a fuss."

"But, Albus!"

James gave a small smile of gratitude and said, "Yes, of course, sir."

With that, James carefully lifted her off of the bed. Lily gave a small gasp of surprise, but quickly settled into his arms like a child. As easily as she had lifted her earlier, she more than trusted him.

Lily smiled to herself as they made their way out of the ward -she could still hear Madame Pomfrey objecting to Professor Dumbledore's unhearing ear from down the hall.

To her luck, the halls were fairly empty; they passed no students or teachers. Filch's cat hissed loudly as they passed, and Sir Nicholas gave them an odd look and a nod, but they encountered nothing more exciting than that.

As they walked through the halls, Lily looked carefully up at James. He was looking straight ahead, a look on his face that she couldn't figure out. It showed a mix of concern, sadness, love, and something she couldn't quite put her finger on. It couldn't be fear.

She lifted a trembling hand and touched his cheek. He was her James. He would be strong for her. She knew it. She knew he knew she needed him to, but as he smiled sadly down at her, she almost thought she detected a tear in his eye.

When they arrived at the heads' quarters, James toted her all the way upstairs to her bed. Without a word, he brought her pajamas and busied himself with the fluffing of her pillows while she changed. He tucked her in, kissed her forehead, and made to leave.

Just as he stepped away, Lily's hand tightened on his, and she said, "James?"

He looked down at her helpless face and said, "Yes? Do you need something Lily?"

She looked up at him timidly. "Will you stay with me?" she asked, scooting over. She trusted him, and knew he wouldn't try anything, especially at a time like this. She needed him to be with her.

The tremble in her voice caused a forbidden sting in his eyes, threatening tears. He nodded, slipped off his shoes, and climbed in beside her, keeping silent for fear of his own tears. As he wrapped his arms around her, hoping she hadn't seen the tear, he thought, '_Has she always been this small?' _

Just as he thought she was asleep, she whispered, "James?"

"Yes?"

She paused so long, he thought she may've fallen asleep, but she soon said, "I'm scared." Her voice trembled once again, and it broke his heart to see her this way. He instinctively clutched her tighter. He couldn't stand to think that she might… no! He refused to even think it!

How do you answer that? To be honest, he was scared, too – more scared than he'd been in his entire life. But he was supposed to be the strong one, the one that held her up, both physically and mentally. How was he supposed to help her, when he was as terrified as she was?

"I know, Lils. I know. Me, too." She sighed, but said nothing. He wasn't sure if he'd said the right thing or not, but it seemed to satisfy her for the time being. Had he not been so overwhelmed by the situation at hand, he would've enjoyed holding her close. She felt… right. Like she was supposed to be there. Like someone had planned it that way.

In a moment he felt her breath even out, meaning she was asleep. Comforted by the steadiness of her breathing and the fact that she was okay enough to sleep, he, too, allowed sleep to take him.

--

When Lily woke up, she wasn't sure what time it was. It was bright in her room, so it must've been fairly late in the afternoon. She thought back to what all had happened.

She had only slept in James' arms once before – last year during their final exams, they had fallen asleep on the couch in the Gryffindor common room, only to be ragged by their friends for the rest of the year. It felt… right. Like it was supposed to be that way. Like someone had planned it that way.

The door to her room creaked open a crack, and James' head popped in. When he saw Lily sitting up, obviously awake, he bounced over to the bed and plopped down in front of her.

"Hello, Lily dearest!" he said happily.

Lily was never a morning person, no matter how early her body clock forced her awake. She groaned and flopped back on her pillow.

"Well, aren't you just a little ray of sunshine this morning?" James said, smirking a bit.

Lily pulled her pillow over her head and grunted something incomprehensible.

The pillow was removed, and James' smiling face appeared over her, a bit of his black hair falling in his eyes, and said, "What are you talking about morning?" The most adorable face disappeared, and abruptly reappeared as he lifted her into his arms once again and headed toward the door.

"James!" she squealed. "Put me down! I can walk!"

"Oh, really?" he said, ignoring her demand and continuing to tote her down the stairs.

"James! I mean it! Put me-" Before the words were out of her mouth, she found herself "put down" over the back of the common room sofa.

James hopped easily over the back of the couch and landed beside Lily. "Ok, so what do you want to eat?"

She sent him a glare and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not very hungry right now, James."

"Au contraire, mon cherie!" he announced in a phony French accent. "'Oo are most definitely 'ungry! So, what shall eet be?" With a flip of his wand, a notepad, similar to the one Rosemerta toted in her apron, appeared in his hand and a pencil behind his ear. Without a thought, he grabbed the pencil and held it to point on the notepad.

Lily couldn't help but laugh aloud at his antics until he burst into a rage of mock-anger. "What eez zis? Are 'oo mocking moi? Fine! I'll just geet somzing for 'oo!" At this, he began scribbling like mad on the notepad, finally finishing with a flourish.

He tapped the notepad twice with his wand, mumbling something, and said aloud, "Off wit 'oo! And 'urry back!"

Lily laughed even more as it zoomed through the portrait hole. The accent was gone as James laughed and said, "Still laughing at me, are you?" She nodded and burst into giggles once again. He smiled. "Okay, listen. I'm going to go get Rina and Laurie, and then I've got to go shower. I never got a chance before our rounds yesterday, and that was after quidditch practice."

"I thought I smelt something," she said thoughtfully.

"Ehh, whatever you say." He kissed her and followed the flying notepad through the portrait hole.

It didn't seem like a whole minute before Sirius appeared through the portrait, calling her name. "Lily, dearest!" Remus walked in behind him, smiling kindly, but saying nothing. Peter followed Remus with a cautious, terrified look on his face that clearly said, "They forced me to come! I don't know what you've got, but I don't want it!"

Sirius rushed over and threw a blanket on her lap. He began to fiddle with it, pulled it up and down, fluffed the pillows, pinched her cheeks, and fussed over her in the most annoying ways possible until Remus came over and laid a firm hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stop.

"You'll have to forgive Padfoot, here. He doesn't know… well, he doesn't know much of anything, actually. Now, how are you Lily?"

Lily laughed at his remark, while Sirius stood with a most indignant look on his face. Just as she went to answer him, Rina came flying in, followed closely by Laurie. They were by her side in a second, quicker than Lily had thought humanly possible.

At first, Rina looked like she didn't know what to do. It was a most pitiful sight – Rina, the bold and the beautiful, standing there like a lost little girl. This was most unnerving for Lily, because Rina was always the strong one, the confident one, the one with all the answers.

"Sit," Lily said. Rina sat. She sat, and she looked at Lily. The whole world seemed to quiet in anticipation. All of a sudden, Rina's face twisted with the unmistakable urge to cry, and she leaned forward and hugged Lily tightly.

They had never been the most affectionate of friends, but they always knew where they stood with each other. Their friendship just was. No questions asked. When she pulled back, both were sniffling with red eyes and noses and a small wet spot could be seen on each girl's left shoulder.

Laurie was kneeling by the couch, her eyes watering as well. Sirius looked shocked, to say the least. Lily almost started laughing at how he began squirming. His expression practically screamed, "What the heck do I do with this?"

Remus stood calmly by his friend, a solemn look on his face. His hands were held at ease behind his back, ready to help. His resemblance to a butler was uncanny.

Rina and Laurie soon followed her gaze to the two boys and then back to each other. When their eyes met, all three burst out laughing. This reaction was much more in Sirius' territory, and, despite the consecutive polar reactions, he started giggling along with them.

But now it was Remus' turn to be shocked. His raised eyebrows and slightly open mouth made quite a sight of this butler. It only made them laugh more.

Amidst their laughter, they hadn't noticed James walk in with a tray in his hand. He gave them a look almost as strange as Remus', set the tray on the table, and took off toward the bathroom.

As an afterthought, he called over his shoulder, "Make sure she eats!"

A bit later, after Rina had practically forced half a bowl of soup, the crust of a muffin, and a cup of coffee down Lily's throat, James walked in, freshened up and smiling.

Peter had long fallen asleep in an arm chair by the fire and was snoring a bit. Sirius sat in the other arm chair, facing Rina and Lily on the couch, munching on the remains of the feast James had sent up. Laurie sat at Rina's feet, talking animatedly with her friends.

As he remained just out of view, he started stomping his feet and hollered, in an amazingly parent-like way, "And just what is going on in here! Didn't I tell you to make sure she ate?" Peter snapped awake, and Rina, Laurie, and Sirius sat with identical looks on their faces: eyes wide, eyebrows raised, and mouths slightly agape.

Lily, however, sat with an amused smile on her face, one eyebrow raised and her arms folded over her chest. James' rant slowly trailed off into an uncontrollable laugh. He fell back onto the couch between Rina and Lily, clutching his sides. Lily quickly joined him, and the others soon followed suit.

They spent the remainder of the evening together –well, Peter had fallen asleep again- talking and just enjoying each others' company. Laurie complained about her father, the boys debated over the latest Cannons-Tornados match, and, to her relief, Lily's leukemia was never addressed. She liked it better that way. In fact, the normalcy was a comfort to her in and of itself. It showed that her friends would be there for her no matter what.

When Peter's snores reached a level where they were all half-shouting to hear each other, Sirius kicked his foot to wake him up. It had long since gotten dark.

"Yeah, guys, I think it's time we all went to bed. I'm so t-t-tired," Laurie said through a stifled yawn, as if proving it. "Remus, will you walk with me? I've got a couple questions about that Defense essay." Her question was said as casually as possible, but a blush crept up her neck even as they made their way through the portrait hole.

As soon as they were gone, Sirius, Rina, James, and Peter burst out laughing. Lily raised an eyebrow at the cackling bunch and said, "Sirius, Rina! You've no room to speak! And you, of all people, James – you're not exactly the most discreet of people."

Rina instantly flushed a deep magenta color. Sirius had no shame, but even his cheeks tinted a light shade of pink at the mention of last night's… encounter.

Peter, bewildered as usual, said, "What? Why've they no room to speak?"

James just smiled and said, "Lighten up, Lils. It's all in good fun." Lily rolled her eyes.

Sirius stood and offered Rina his hand. He said, "Well love, I suppose we ought to take advantage of this lovely little spotlight, be bold, and make our exit together." Rina, still pink, took his hand, and they made their way toward the exit.

Just as they reached the portrait hole, though, Rina turned and ran back to Lily, giving her another hug. She whispered in her ear, "It's going to be okay. I promise, alright?" Lily nodded into her friend's shoulder, her eyes stinging once again with unshed tears again.

She pulled back a moment later, gave Lily one last smile, and walked quickly over to Sirius, who was waiting by the portrait hole. She boldly linked her arm through his, and they made their way out of the common room.

Peter looked to James and asked bluntly, "Are they going out?"

At this, even Lily laughed with James. Peter huffed at their reply and made his way out, mumbling something about, "…never tell me anything… always the last to find these things out…"

After he left, James looked to Lily and asked, "Now what?" She simply smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "Okay, then," he said. "I'll clean up here, and you go wash up. I know you've got to be tired. And, because you've been such a good girl today, I'll even let you walk."

"Oh, thanks," Lily said sarcastically, as she stood carefully, unsure of exactly how much of her weight her legs would allow. Her knees wobbled a bit, but only because she hadn't put proper use to them for a good 24 hours. She reached out and used James' shoulder to steady herself. He raised a concerned eyebrow.

"I can do this. I'm just fine." She leaned down and kissed him gently before making her way upstairs.

And to everyone's surprise, life went on. Classes started the next Monday. Lily's first treatment went well enough. It wasn't painful, but it left her sick and weak.

She had to go that Tuesday and then every Thursday for a month. Madame Pomfrey flooed her to St. Mungo's to an experimental treatment ward. She had been offered by Dumbledore to take a friend with her, but she felt it would be wrong to choose. And it would've been rude to ask to take them all.

The first week she went, she was very nervous, as was to be expected. Madame Pomfrey sat next to her, flipping casually through an old magazine. Eventually, a smiling young nurse came to the door and called her name.

"Go ahead, dear," Madame Pomfrey prompted gently. "I'll be right here when you're done."

Lily, not knowing what to expect, walked cautiously towards the nurse, her hands shaking like leaves. To her surprise, the nurse introduced herself.

"Miss Evans?" Lily nodded. "I'm Alice Longbottom. I'm going to take you back to Healer Smithers, and he'll perform the actual treatment." She saw the terror evident in Lily's face and gave her a sympathetic smile. "If you need anything just ask for Alice, okay?"

As Alice led her toward the back, Lily couldn't help but notice that she couldn't have been much older than Lily herself. But to Lily's surprise, Alice spoke up first.

"You go to Hogwarts, right?"

"Yes," Lily said. "Seventh year."

"I just graduated from Hogwarts year before last! What house are you in?" The girl was obviously excited at finding someone from her own school.

Even Lily had to smile and look up with curiosity. "Gryffindor. You?"

Alice let out a small squeal and said, with still more excitement, "Me, too!"

"Well, what are you doing here?" Lily asked. "Are you going to be a medi-witch?"

"Oh," said Alice, and her face fell a bit. "I had wanted to. That was the plan." They slowly made their way into the treatment room, where Alice began to absent-mindedly check Lily's vitals.

"And?" Lily prompted. "What happened?"

"I fell in love."

"Oh." Now Lily's face snapped into a look of suggestive surprise. "Did you…?"

Now Alice laughed. "Oh no! Nothing like that!" Lily blushed at her own assumption. "It's just… well, with the war and all, Frank wanted to be an auror."

"Is Frank your boyfriend?"

"Husband." Alice announced, beaming proudly, and presented a small ring on her left hand – fourth finger.

"Congratulations!" Lily exclaimed, examining the ring. "It's gorgeous!"

"Well, like I was saying," Alice continued, obviously pleased. "Frank wanted to be an auror. I could never be an auror. I worry about Frank as it is. So, I'm going to be his personal medi-witch. When I get through with my internship – which should be sometime this spring, I hope – I'll be on the field officially." She smiled bravely, but Lily detected a bit of fear in her eyes.

"That's amazing," Lily said, and she meant it.

The healer came in and introduced himself, asking questions and making small talk as he performed the treatment. Lily supposed she answered appropriately when necessary, but her mind was rushing through the things Alice had told her. It hit her all of a sudden, that if this leukemia didn't kill her, the war just might.

Sure, she'd considered being an auror, but with all that had happened lately, the war had hardly made its way into her thoughts. And at Hogwarts, other than the occasional news from the Daily Prophet, the war was pretty much out of sight and out of mind.

The healer shook her hand politely and sent her on her way, but the daze continued. She couldn't get Alice out of her head. The girl was no older than Lily, and yet she was doing all she could.

That night in the common room, Lily spoke up. "James?"

"Yeah, Lils?" He didn't even look up from the parchment he'd been focusing on.

"What are we doing?" Slightly exasperated, he looked up and gave her a slightly-annoyed, slightly concerned smile.

"Well, we are currently slaving away over a particularly nasty potions essay on 'the Wolfsbane Potion and the effect of each ingredient within it,' which you will have no problem getting an O on, but not because you're Slughorn's pet, and I may manage a P on, but because Slughorn hates me." He paused and took a breath. "Why, what do you _want_ to be doing?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Lily laughed and said, "No, James, not now. I meant, what are we going to be doing after we leave Hogwarts?"

"Well," James began, taking his hand in hers, "we'll each get thoroughly productive, well-paying jobs in the ministry. We'll work until we decide to have kids, at which point we'll move out the London countryside, have ten or twelve kids, get a dog, and grow old together. But in the meantime, I have to finish this essay, or I won't pass potions." He withdrew his hand, and went back to his essay.

Lily thought that sounded very nice, but she knew it wasn't reasonable. In fact, to her is seemed impossible. "But James," she said, feeling her voice shake and her eyes sting with the warning of coming tears. "There's a war going on."

James' quill froze over his parchment. He slowly set it down, sighing. He was more than aware of the war going on. In fact, just earlier that day while Lily had gone to her first treatment, Professor Dumbledore sent him an owl, requesting his immediate presence in his office.

He had introduced James to a new, secret anti-Voldemort organization called the Order of the Phoenix. Dumbledore explained to him what they did. Then, to James' shock, he invited James to join them! He explained what all James would have to do and all of the risks.

When he had finished, he said, "Now, James, I don't want an answer now or even today. I want you to think about it for a while, and when you've made your decision, you know where to find me."

James had nodded, his heart heavy with all that Dumbledore had told him. As he had stood to leave, it had hit him – What about Lily?

He asked Dumbledore, but the older professor had simply said, "Let's not tell Miss Evans just yet. I think just now she has more than enough to handle, don't you agree?" He did agree, more than he told Dumbledore.

He couldn't tell Lily, so he just pulled her over to him and held her close, as if he could protect her if he held her close enough. "James," she said, tears now streaming down her face. "What are we going to do?"

He kissed her hair and said, "I don't know, Lils. I don't know."

**Author's Note**: I know, I know. It's not up in half the time I said it would be. So sorry. Thanks once again to my beta, Julia Holtemore. If you haven't already, definitely check out her stuff! Thanks to everyone for my 7 reviews! ;) So tell me, what do you think?

-inky.


	4. Not Enough Time

The warmth of summer quickly faded into the cool of autumn at Hogwarts, and Lily found herself seeking reasons to spend time with each of her friends. The war now became very obvious to her. She now had a keen ear for the professors' conversations and quickly picked out related articles when a Daily Prophet came her way. In fact, she wondered how she had missed it in the first place.

Every once in a while, after the mail came in, she would notice someone crying softly to themselves and make a quiet exit with one of the teachers, usually their head of house and occasionally even Professor Dumbledore himself, while the rest of the students continued about their way.

Her friends saw a difference in Lily, too. On a particularly trying day for Lily – a first year little girl had pitifully made her way out of the Great Hall that morning – she sought refuge in the library and found Remus working at a table.

"Remus," she called as quietly as she could. "What're you doing in here?"

"Hey Lily," he said, looking up from a pile of books and a bit of parchment. "Push off a stack of books and have a seat. I'm just working on that potions essay I missed from last week." Lily nodded. Last week had been a particularly rough full moon, and he had had to spend an extra two days in the hospital wing.

"Did you need something, Lily?"

"Er- yeah… yeah, actually, I did." She had something to ask, but she was unsure how, even with Remus – especially with Remus.

"Well?"

"It's just that, um… Remus, have you heard much about this war?"

Remus frowned, partially from confusion and partially because he didn't like where this was going. "Yes. Why?"

"Well, I've been reading the Daily Prophet, and they were saying stuff about, um, werewolves working with You-Know-Who." Lily lowered her voice and looked around to check for inquiring ears.

"Yes. You're talking about Fenrir Greyback, I believe."

"Yes, that's his name!"

He sighed. "Well, what about him?"

"I don't know. It's just… well, where exactly are you on all this?" It struck Lily how crazy her question sounded aloud. Remus wasn't exactly the type to run off and join leagues with a power-hungry, murdering maniac and his evil minions.

Remus raised a skeptical eyebrow, as if he was thinking the same thing as Lily. He caught her eye, and they burst out laughing, only to receive a stern "Hush!" from the librarian.

Lily, still blushing a bit from the absurdity of it all, said, "Oh, Remus, I'm sorry. I guess I've just been… well, thinking too much. A friend at the hospital – her husband is playing a major part in the war, and she's gotten me thinking about it. It's all going to end sometime or another, right? I guess I just needed someone to bring it into perspective. Thanks!" Without another word, she stood and made her way out of the library, now smiling.

Remus sat there for a minute, trying to comprehend what had just taken place. Finally, he just shook his head and went back to his essay.

Lily bounded out and made her way onto the grounds, finding her friends exactly where she knew she would – under their favorite tree by the lake.

"Rina! Laurie!" she called as she bounded closer. She plopped down in front of the two girls, completely ignoring James and Sirius. "I've had an epitome! At least, I think that's what it's called." She thought for a moment, as the four looked on in bewilderment, with raised eyebrows all around. She shook her head in defeat, but was still grinning. "Anyway, I've had an idea. We're going to have a girl's night!"

She sat grinning, waiting for a reaction. Rina was the first to speak up, after a minute. "Um, Lily, where exactly are we going to have this girl's night?"

"In the Heads' common room, of course!" Lily answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

James had to interject here. "Wait, wait, wait. So where am I supposed to go during all of this? I don't exactly want to be around for the nail painting and pillow fights and 'Oh my Merlin! Did you _see_ the arms on Marshall Wilkes when he lifted that cauldron the other day? He may be dumb as a rock, but…'" James fell over laughing, and the squeaky, high-pitched voice got him raised eyebrows from each of the girls.

Sirius laughed out loud, and said, in the same voice, "Oh, oh! And Andrew Larson!" The boys collapsed into giggles, while the girls looked on, shaking their heads and rolling their eyes. The reference to the 7th year class nerd was more than enough to get Rina and Laurie smiling.

"Boys," said Laurie said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, Lily, it sounds like a great idea. Should we do it tonight?"

"Of course," Lily said. "Rina, you in?"

"Of course! This ought to be fun!"

"And where am I supposed to go again?" James repeated.

"Oh, I don't know," Lily said. "You'll figure something out." She grinned, gave him a quick kiss, and walked off, each of her arms linked through a friend's.

"You could always have your old bed back in our dorms, mate," Sirius offered.

James hung his head in defeat. "I guess so." He sighed. "And I'd just gotten used to sleeping without yours and Peter's snoring."

"C'mon, Prongs. Let's get a bite. Then you can grab your broom before they start this fiasco, and maybe we can talk old Moony and Wormtail into a scrimmage match."

"Padfoot, you know Wormtail can't stay on a broom to save his life!"

Sirius grinned mischievously. "That's half the fun."

Later that night, had one had the nerve to enter the Heads' common room, they would've found quite a spectacle. The girls had gone through each of the bedrooms and stripped the beds to make one large pallet in the now vacant pot in the center of the room, where all the furniture used to be. Said furniture could now be found pushed haphazardly against the walls in various spots around the room.

Music was blaring from a classic 70's WizardPlayer – _"It's magic to your ears!"_ – and the girls were sprawled out on the pallet, Lily currently painting Rina's toenails a bright purple and Laurie flipping through their record collections.

"Aerosmith, the Bee Gees, David Bowie, Jackson Browne, Alice Cooper, Eagles, Electric Light Orchestra…" Laurie read out. She paused. "Lily, why are these in alphabetical order?"

Lily looked up with an uncertain smile and said, "Because they're easier to find?" Rina snickered, only to receive a smack on the foot.

Laurie gave an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes. "Okay, whatever. Now, which one did you want again?"

"Fleetwood Mac! Play Rhiannon," Rina said.

"_Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night…" _They began to sing along off pitch, but they knew every word.

When the song ended, they all burst out laughing. "Okay, okay," Rina said. "Now what?"

"What else?" Laurie said, a mischievous smile on her face. "Twenty questions."

"Fine," said Rina, "But no targeting one person; everyone has to take a turn."

"Okay," said Laurie. "And we'll make it witch's version – if you don't answer truthfully, your face breaks out with pimples – all over!"

"Okay, Lily," Rina said, "You're first. Laurie, would you like the honors?"

"Yes, please," Laurie began, but she was quickly interrupted by Lily.

"Woah, woah! I never agreed to this!"

"Who said you had a choice?" Rina said, grinning.

"Now, Lily," Laurie began again. Lily bit her lip in anticipation, but Laurie hesitated, searching for a question. "What's… your favorite color?"

"Ugh! Laurie!" Rina objected. "What kind of question is that! If you're going to go first, at least make it a decent question."

Laurie simply shrugged, and Lily answered, smiling, "Scarlet. Like Gryffindor. Now it's my turn. Alright Rina, you wanted a good question! Tell me your thoughts on Mr. Sirius Black."

Rina flushed scarlet, an amazing likeness to the color Lily had just referred to. "I… well, I… I mean, I…."

Lily grinned maliciously, though she was surprised to see Rina like this. Normally Rina had complete confidence when it came to blokes. "My, my," said Lily. "Is Ms. Cool-and-Confident actually tripped up over a boy?"

Lily and Laurie collapsed into laughter. Rina's brow shot down, and she said, "As a matter of fact, I happen to think he's quite sexy!" Her defiant and commanding tone brought both girls out of their giggle-fest. "But since you find it so terribly funny, let's find out what Ms. Ford thinks of Mr. Lupin – Mr. Remus Lupin."

Laurie took her turn to blush pink, but she said, "Actually, he asked me to the next Hogsmeade trip. And I said yes." Rina smiled smugly in her triumph, but squealed in delight along with Lily. "Okay, Lily. What about your guy?"

"What about James?" Lily asked, blushing lightly.

"No, no," Rina spoke up. "You're not messing up this chance. What's your favorite _physical_ attribute of James?" The look on her face was in and of itself a dare, mischievous and suggestive.

Determined not to be bested or frazzled by their question, Lily answered simply, "His hair."

"Is that so?" Rina dared playfully, while Laurie cackled. "You do mean the same hair we used to suffer never-ending complaints about? The same hair he used to run his fingers through to make it look windblown? I thought you thought that was annoying, vain, conceited-"

"That was last year!" Lily interrupted fiercely, but her voice grew solemn as she said, "We grew up." A thoughtful silence followed, each submerged in their own musings over the last year.

Finally, Lily broke the quiet. "Alright. My turn! Let's see… Laurie," she began. "What's your greatest fear?"

Laurie blushed a bit and sent a glare at Lily. "Do I really have to answer this?"

"Yep!" Rina said, grinning.

Laurie huffed, obviously stalling. After a moment a small, red pimple appeared on the end of her nose. She gave a startled gasp and said, "Alright, alright! It's boggarts!" As soon as she said it, the bump faded again. She gave an apologetic look to her friends and said, "I know it's stupid, but I never could find anything scarier than possibility. Fine, what's yours, Lily?"

Lily's face paled slightly. The room immediately became serious. Laurie immediately regretted her question, having not realized what it implied.

Rina spoke up first, though. "It's okay, Lily. You don't have to answer."

Lily shook her head. "No. No, it's okay. It's not what you're thinking. I'm not-" She gulped. "I'm not afraid to die." _Am I really? ...No._ "I'm afraid of not having enough time. I guess… I guess it's the one thing people never seem to have enough of. And you can't get it back once it's gone. So… time. My greatest fear is not having enough time."

Rina's eyes had visibly watered, and Laurie looked horrified – not at Lily's answer, but at the fact that she had asked such an insensitive question. Lily quickly found herself enveloped in four caring arms, and Laurie's voice in her ear.

"Don't worry. We all just have to make the best of the time we have."

The next morning Rina woke up to the sound of distinct, yet muffled, sniffles. She opened her eyes to see Lily curled up on the window seat, staring into her cupped hands in her lap.

"Look," she whispered, her voice as tiny as a child's. "More." Without a word, Rina walked over to Lily. Her eyes were now dry, but her red eyes and nose signaled that they hadn't been that way moments ago. "It was on my pillow."

In her hands, Rina could see a clump of long, red hair – Lily's hair. She instinctively wrapped her arms around the trembling girl, and said, "It's okay, babe. It's just hair. It doesn't matter. And no one will be able to tell. Don't worry."

Lily shook her head in protest, effectively pushing Rina off. "No, it's not okay! It's been coming out more and more in my brush, in the shower, on my clothes. There are patches…." She paused. Her voice was barely a whisper as she said, "Soon it'll be all gone."

For the first time, she met Rina's eyes. Rina could see that the red from the crying was fading, but the hurt and fear remained. She knew it would, and she didn't know what to do about it.

So, she did the only thing she could. She got James.

She stepped as quietly as possible through the 7th year boys' dormitory, carefully picking out James' sleeping form.

"James! Get up! Come on, Lily needs you!" she whispered urgently.

James popped up into a sitting position, instantly alert. "What? What's wrong? Is she okay? Is she hurt? Where is she?" As he bombarded Rina with questions, he haphazardly pulled on a sweater and long pants to fend off the chill of early morning.

Rina took him to the head's common room, where he immediately went to Lily. Rather than stay and be a hindrance, she quietly woke Laurie and went upstairs to change and wait for breakfast to start.

Lily was in the same spot Rina had left her in, staring up at the sky at the quickly fading stars. James sat down in front of her. He had never seen her look so small, so defeated.

Without looking at him, she said, "It's just hair, really. It shouldn't matter." She looked at him, and a lone tear rolled silent and unnoticed down her cheek. "It shouldn't matter," she repeated. "But it does."

James, though still shocked, gently pulled her over to him. Her tears gained speed and strength, and all he could do was hold her close as her tears soaked through his sweater. "Shh…" he comforted her. "It does matter. It's okay that it matters. It's _supposed_ to matter. Here, look at me."

He placed a finger on her chin and gently tilted her head up so that her eyes met his. "You will always, _always_ be beautiful to me – hair or no hair. I love you, Lily."

His sincerity struck her, and she suddenly felt shy. _Shy? From James?_ _That's not right. _So, she just smiled softly and reveled in his love for her. He kissed her gently, but made no more of it.

She turned to look up at the sky again, where the sun had begun to make its appearance in a most beautiful sunrise.

Lily seemed to be okay after that, most times ignoring her disease entirely. Even her hair found its way into a pony tail every morning, just to keep it out of her face and off of her mind.

The only things she couldn't ignore were the emotional trips to St. Mungo's every Thursday, softened only by the continued friendship between Alice and herself.

In fact, the friendship was one of the few things that really helped her through the treatments. Alice was always smiling and happy, though Lily could never understand how in such a place. On a particularly chilly Thursday in late October their conversation went like this:

"Hey, Alice?" Alice looked up from her weekly paperwork, with an inquiring look on her face that required no words.

Lily hesitated. "You remember when you told me about Frank being an auror?" Alice had mentioned Frank often, but never in reference to his occupation.

A look crossed Alice's face and her eyes darkened a bit. "Yes, I remember. What about it?"

"Well, um…" Lily stumbled over her words, unsure if she should continue. She settled for a casual question and tone. "How's that going?"

Alice's eyes became soft and sympathetic, and she took Lily's hand in her own. "It's a war, Lily. Nothing good can come of it. Now, what's this all about?" A weary look came across her face, aging the beautiful young woman in a way that frightened Lily. It frightened her to see someone so happy and so passionate about life, struck down in such a brutal way.

"I…I…" Lily found herself hesitating again. "How… I mean… why…." She took a deep breath as Alice waited patiently for her to complete her thought aloud. _Stop it, Lily! You're acting like a blubbering fool!_ "Why did Frank become an auror?"

The surprise was evident in Alice's features. It was not the question she had been expecting. Even so, she struggled for an answer. "He… well, he's always had a bit of little man syndrome. I told you how short he was. I guess… I guess he figured he could finally help and do something right. It doesn't matter how small you are when you're holding a wand."

This didn't satisfy Lily in the least. No one would risk their life and the life of people they loved over a height issue. Not that she couldn't understand where he was coming from, but that was… well, ridiculous!

She frowned, but asked her next question. "Does it ever worry you that something will happen, and you won't have been there to stop it? That you might've stopped it if you'd been there?"

Alice's eyes visibly watered. "I… everyday. But Lily, I just can't. I can't point my wand at someone and just… just kill them. I can't take someone's life from them. I can't. And he knows. He knows I'm a coward." The tears streamed down her face.

"Oh, Alice! That's not what I meant!" Lily cried, hugging her friend. "If you can't, then you can't. You're not a coward! You're doing the best you can. Hush, hush. I shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Look." Lily brought her friend's face up to match her own. "You're one of the bravest people I know. You're no coward. I'm just… I guess I'm just trying to find my own place in all this."

Alice nodded, her smile returning a bit. "So, you don't have anything against short men, do you?"

Lily burst out laughing, and both girls' smiles returned.

As Lily made her way through the hall ways, back to her 7th period Thursday class, Arithmancy, she found herself caught up in Alice's words once again. How is it that one young woman can impact another so much?

She barely heard the timid first-year girl speak to her. "Uh… Ms. Head Girl?"

"Huh?" Lily said, jerked out of her own thoughts. She looked down to see the tiny girl. _There's no way we were ever that small. _"Oh, I'm sorry. Were you looking for me? And it's Lily, by the way."

The girl smiled at that and said, "Oh, okay Lily. Well, Professor Dumbledore said to find you. He wants you in his office."

"Oh, alright. Thank you," Lily answered, as she walked off toward Professor Dumbledore's office, once again trapped in her own thoughts.

In fact, she barely noticed where she was until she was inches away from the gargoyle. It was then that she realized she didn't know the password.

"Umm… lemon drop?" she asked, guessing the year's first Gryffindor password. She waited to see if anything happened. …Nothing. She tried again. "Cockroach cluster? Chocolate frog? Sugar quill?"

"Ah hah!" she exclaimed as the gargoyle sprung to life, revealing a spiral staircase. She took the steps two at a time and was called in immediately after she knocked.

Lily was surprised to see James sitting across from Dumbledore. "Hey, Lils!" he greeted.

Professor Dumbledore smiled and said, "Hello, Ms. Evans. I trust Ms. Worthington found you easily enough." He gestured for her to sit, and Lily made her way to the chair next to James.

"Yes, sir," she answered, still wondering, though with less worry, about the reason for the meeting.

"Well," began Professor Dumbledore. "I'm sure you're wondering about the reason for our meeting, so I'll waste no more time." _I always knew he read minds,_ Lily thought, smiling to herself. "As you know, our annual Leaving Ball is drawing near, and I believe you are more than capable of handling the preparations. I only ask that you clear them with me before putting your plans into action."

He continued to give them the specifics – a budget of 1,000 galleons, the dress code, and the guest list – 6th and 7th years only.

"Now," he said, rising to dismiss them. "I do hope to have a date set before the Winter Break, but I think we can manage the rest of the little details afterwards, don't you agree?"

The two nodded eagerly at the thought of the ever-nearing Winter hols, and made their way slowly out of his office to meet their friends in the great hall for lunch.

**Author's Note:** Okay, here's chapter 4. Hope you liked it. If you check my profile, you'll see that I won't be posting for a bit. I'm doing some major reconstruction with the first couple chapters. Thanks again to my beta, Julia Holtemore. Now, tell me what you think!


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